Big Guy will be moving home on September 5. He starts his new school on the 6th. Since I bring Eldest back to college on the 3rd, next week will be filled with transition.
How do I feel? Ambivalent almost sums it up, though it doesn't capture the hyperventilation-suppressing aspect of handling so much change at once. I am going to miss Eldest terribly. I will be glad to have my son home. Much of the freedom of this year will be lost, though, because he cannot be left unsupervised. Dancer asked to have two friends sleep over in September, and I had to tell her no, that can only happen before Big Guy returns. I don't know what life will be like later on. He might be fine, he might not.
I stave off worry by reminding myself that fearing the future impedes my ability to arrive there whole. For it's a fact that while life may bring good things or bad, worry never brings anything good.
Yesterday I watched an excellent (but old) TED talk about how abysmally we fail to predict what will make us happy. In some weird way I find this tremendously comforting. If I know I stink at knowing what will bring me happiness, it frees me up to find joy in what I'm given. I don't need to always get my way, don't need to follow my desires maniacally. I'm free to adapt, free to find whatever there is to treasure in each day.
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Thinking of you, as always, and as always, in awe of your strength and ability to keep coping with it all.
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