Monday, January 16, 2012

From YIKES! to yikes

I'm in one of those phases where there are 400 ideas floating around in my head at once. This is a relief; I'm emerging from a stretch where my brain turned into left-out Play-Doh, the kind abandoned in a just-moist-enough spot to be of indeterminate color, hard, cracked and moldy.

Most of the atrophy was due to an extraordinary string of hard hits at year-end. The most significant of those was discovering (right after an ER visit) that Big Guy's health insurance had been cancelled. We hadn't been notified by the carrier, and despite logging many hours in phone-tree hell still haven't found out why it happened. Nor have we succeeded in reinstating it. I have Big Guy's case worker on it, as well as a friend who works for a State senator. But no insurance for Big Guy = no psychiatrist = no medication = oh-wow-let's-not-go-there. I can get scripts for meds through a city hospital clinic if I have to (after a half-day in a waiting room), but the cost of filling them is prohibitive. It's a problem.

I'm writing about this as if I handled the news calmly, which I did not. Externally I was reasonably placid, but inside -- wow! -- my feelings resembled an electrified cat. I reached my freak-out capacity the day I had to go up to Big Guy's parent-teacher conferences. I sat on the bus alone and stared out the window at the gray trees, cried a bit, prayed a lot, and decided to assume that things will get figured out and we will get meds within the timeframe that's needed. Whether it actually works out that way or not is almost irrelevant: I stink at panicking, and have to figure out a way to keep hysteria at bay, or else I can't function. Panic makes my mind blurry, and keeps me from meeting my deadlines, and puts static into family relationships. So I'm making a basic assumption that all will be well, putting my worries in a box, and allowing myself to take them out once in a while to play with. It doesn't solve the insurance problem faster, but it at least allows me access to the brain cells that allow me to try to solve it at all.


  1. Excellent, excellent point. The optimum mindset for problem-solving is alert, but not worried. I know from experience that this is true even though I do panic, time and time again. And if I were in your shoes, I'm sure I'd have been panicking more than you were.

    Regardless of all that, I do understand the magnitude of the problem (oh, man!), and will be praying that it gets resolved in time. I wish I knew someone to call!

    And don't you have to wonder whatever on earth did they do to that poor cat to get it to look like that?

  2. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you try to figure out why Big Guy's health insurance was cancelled. I truly understand the stresses you are going through. We have been dealing with a critical ill daughter for over 4 years now, and still do not have a firm diagnosis. Battling the healthcare system can be a nightmare! Stay strong and know that God is in control of your situation, and He will see you through to the end. I have been reading Guideposts for years now, and I always enjoy reading what you and Andrew have to share. Also, I am really enjoying reading your blog, Lotsa Laundry. Often, your words of encourage give me the strength I need to get through those difficult days...

  3. Gah. I wish...I wish I could help. I know not how.

    (The mental image of taking the worries out of the box to play with them is kind of priceless...)

  4. Made an inch of progress today. I think we've figured out why they cancelled the coverage. Hopefully that means we can get them to reinstate it. However, unless we get an expedited review we could be looking at March 1.

  5. Glad to see that update. Still, what an incredible stress. With you in thoughts. Canada for the meds, somehow?

  6. Several large drug companies offer low-cost or free medication to customers with no insurance. You can usually find a link on the drug company web site.