See what the internet can do for you? In the old days it was really hard to find Remote Control Hopping Yodeling Lederhosen. If you're not convinced you need some (who is?), you can have fun watching the demonstration.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Laughter
See what the internet can do for you? In the old days it was really hard to find Remote Control Hopping Yodeling Lederhosen. If you're not convinced you need some (who is?), you can have fun watching the demonstration.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Getting Ready for College (and life)
A while back Eldest asked, "But what if I'm not ready for college?"
I was pleased she'd thought of that her own. My reply: "Honey, nobody's ready. Some people aren't ready in one way, and others aren't ready in others. Believe me, there are some 18-year old boys who will never be ready! The question is whether or not the ways in which you're not ready will be a problem."
I have a long 'get Eldest ready for college' list. I'm assuming we won't get through it all before it's time to deliver her to school, and that's okay. Some things she will learn simply from being there, or from other people. Some she may (like the rest of us) stagger along without. But here's what I have so far:
- you can buy a new nail clipper at any drug store
- lock the door when you leave (practice for several months in advance)
- salad will keep in the fridge if you haven't already put dressing on it, but fruit will go bad if you leave it in your room too long
- a batch of brownies is good for making friends and soothing tensions
- how often you laugh is a pretty good gauge of how healthy (or depressed) you are
- the long-term success rate for first-semester freshman-year romances is zero
- you probably won't feel completely at home at school until after Christmas break
- your homesickness will fade as you make good friends and college starts to feel like home.
- don't do anything you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the New York Post
Practical Life Skills:
- how to write a check and balance a checkbook and pay your bills on time
- how to know if you need to go to a doctor when Mom isn't there to tell you to go
- how to get out of doing ______ when others are doing it and you don't want to and can no longer say, "My mom won't let me"
- simple diplomacy for dealing with difficult dorm-mates and unpleasant professors
- basic cooking, hygiene, sewing, housekeeping, laundry, budgeting, manners. Really basic.
- how to self-monitor screen time when Mom isn't there to kick you off the computer
- the cardinal rules of drinking: eat before and during, imbibe slowly, and have plenty of water (and a Tylenol) before going to bed (she thinks she's never going to drink, but still...)
- knowing how to bounce back from stupid mistakes and errors in judgment
- remembering to balance fun and work
- resourcefulness in solving logistical problems
- perseverence in advocating for yourself
- having some idea of the kinds of 'down time' you need in your life to keep from getting too stressed
- knowing how to set healthy boundaries
- knowing how to cripple a 250-pound man
- knowing how to calm yourself from a panic
- understanding that there's no shame in changing your mind. Being wise enough to see that you made a mistake is a good thing (as long as you're willing to change and move on).
- remembering that when you've forgotten some of the above and have blown it and are sure Mom will be deeply disappointed in you, that she will love you and help you anyway.
I just noticed I don't have any academic skills on the list at all. Oops!
I was pleased she'd thought of that her own. My reply: "Honey, nobody's ready. Some people aren't ready in one way, and others aren't ready in others. Believe me, there are some 18-year old boys who will never be ready! The question is whether or not the ways in which you're not ready will be a problem."
I have a long 'get Eldest ready for college' list. I'm assuming we won't get through it all before it's time to deliver her to school, and that's okay. Some things she will learn simply from being there, or from other people. Some she may (like the rest of us) stagger along without. But here's what I have so far:
Mundane Things to Tell Her:
- buy your sanitary supplies before you run out- you can buy a new nail clipper at any drug store
- lock the door when you leave (practice for several months in advance)
- salad will keep in the fridge if you haven't already put dressing on it, but fruit will go bad if you leave it in your room too long
- a batch of brownies is good for making friends and soothing tensions
- how often you laugh is a pretty good gauge of how healthy (or depressed) you are
- the long-term success rate for first-semester freshman-year romances is zero
- you probably won't feel completely at home at school until after Christmas break
- your homesickness will fade as you make good friends and college starts to feel like home.
- don't do anything you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the New York Post
Practical Life Skills:
- how to write a check and balance a checkbook and pay your bills on time
- how to know if you need to go to a doctor when Mom isn't there to tell you to go
- how to get out of doing ______ when others are doing it and you don't want to and can no longer say, "My mom won't let me"
- simple diplomacy for dealing with difficult dorm-mates and unpleasant professors
- basic cooking, hygiene, sewing, housekeeping, laundry, budgeting, manners. Really basic.
- how to self-monitor screen time when Mom isn't there to kick you off the computer
- the cardinal rules of drinking: eat before and during, imbibe slowly, and have plenty of water (and a Tylenol) before going to bed (she thinks she's never going to drink, but still...)
Essential Life Skills:
- having the courage to ask for help when you need it- knowing how to bounce back from stupid mistakes and errors in judgment
- remembering to balance fun and work
- resourcefulness in solving logistical problems
- perseverence in advocating for yourself
- having some idea of the kinds of 'down time' you need in your life to keep from getting too stressed
- knowing how to set healthy boundaries
- knowing how to cripple a 250-pound man
- knowing how to calm yourself from a panic
- understanding that there's no shame in changing your mind. Being wise enough to see that you made a mistake is a good thing (as long as you're willing to change and move on).
- remembering that when you've forgotten some of the above and have blown it and are sure Mom will be deeply disappointed in you, that she will love you and help you anyway.
I just noticed I don't have any academic skills on the list at all. Oops!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Purchases
Little Guy was given some money at Christmas, which he has spent thoughtfully. Among his purchases are:
a dozen stuffed mini monsters, kind of like Ugli dolls (still
waiting impatiently for the shipment, but we've gotten some
geography done as we trace the path of the box on the FedEx site)
The Am-I-a-Martyr question of the hour is, if you lived with seven people and 6,000 books in a 1200 square foot apartment, how long would YOU allow the tent to remain up?
four colors of duct tape, a package of birthday hats,
and some twine from the 99-cent store
and some twine from the 99-cent store
300 yards of aluminum foil from Costco
a stuffed platypus with magnetic feet
a dynamo, so that he's not forever running out of batteries when he needs a flashlight
a dozen stuffed mini monsters, kind of like Ugli dolls (still
waiting impatiently for the shipment, but we've gotten some
geography done as we trace the path of the box on the FedEx site)
a small Playmobil submarine
a tie, because he likes to be natty...
and this tent...
Friday, March 5, 2010
Character
I took part in a conversation the other day about choosing a high school. Here in the city it's a big deal. There are lots of choices, and parents are often focused on getting their kids into a Good School so that the dominoes of the future will fall in an auspicious way. My friend Ellen commented that we need to be aware that whenever our kids are given options, we're given a strong temptation to nudge our offspring in the direction of our own idols. She thinks we're too focused on opportunity, and that our priority for our teens should be character issues, instead.
Although I value education very highly, I tend to agree with this. In recent years I've come to realize that character isn't just about honesty and kindness and a sense of justice. It's about how you handle the problems you face. Do you withdraw and huddle in a heap, or do you rebound quickly? Do you take the bull by the horns, or wanly hope someone will notice you're having trouble and step in? Do you "feel the fear and do it anyway" or feel the fear and feel the fear and feel the fear and crash?
Character qualities are closely wrapped up with coping skills. This is because a lot of the time we can't act on our beliefs if we can't cope effectively with obstacles. If we believe in honesty but are afraid to face people with uncomfy news, we end up weasling out of the situation -- and that's not honest. If we believe in hard work but are easily crushed by setbacks, we give up. If we want to be reliable but procrastinate excessively because we're anxious, we can end up deeply unhappy. How well we cope plays into how true we can be to ourselves.
The teen years involve a lot of stumbling around, trying to make sense out of life and deciding what's important. In the jumble of competing priorities, parents do need to nudge kids toward opening doors instead of closing them. But I think Ellen's onto something. What kind of people our kids grow up to be depends a lot more on character than on which school they attend.
Although I value education very highly, I tend to agree with this. In recent years I've come to realize that character isn't just about honesty and kindness and a sense of justice. It's about how you handle the problems you face. Do you withdraw and huddle in a heap, or do you rebound quickly? Do you take the bull by the horns, or wanly hope someone will notice you're having trouble and step in? Do you "feel the fear and do it anyway" or feel the fear and feel the fear and feel the fear and crash?
Character qualities are closely wrapped up with coping skills. This is because a lot of the time we can't act on our beliefs if we can't cope effectively with obstacles. If we believe in honesty but are afraid to face people with uncomfy news, we end up weasling out of the situation -- and that's not honest. If we believe in hard work but are easily crushed by setbacks, we give up. If we want to be reliable but procrastinate excessively because we're anxious, we can end up deeply unhappy. How well we cope plays into how true we can be to ourselves.
The teen years involve a lot of stumbling around, trying to make sense out of life and deciding what's important. In the jumble of competing priorities, parents do need to nudge kids toward opening doors instead of closing them. But I think Ellen's onto something. What kind of people our kids grow up to be depends a lot more on character than on which school they attend.
Monday, March 1, 2010
People who've made a difference in my life
Frieda S.
Frieda lives in our building. Some people think she's a kvetch, but my kids adore her, and stop to give her a hug whenever they see her. She always glows at their affection for her, and tells me I am a great mother. I'm not sure how old she is, but she emigrated from Germany after WWII. She speaks five languages. Her son is a doctor, a fact which makes her very proud. She remembers the birthdays (and names) of all five of my children, and calls up on the right day and always has a little gift waiting. She mails a card at Christmas, too, even though she's Jewish.
Frieda has some weird habits. Our apartment building is on a steep hill, so that by the time you walk to the back wing you're actually on the fourth floor instead of the first. Frieda lives on one of the lower floors. For years I watched her wheel her little collapsible grocery cart into the elevator, press the button for her floor, and then walk down the stairs to retrieve her purchases.
One day I happened to be going down instead of up in the elevator, just as Frieda was putting her cart in. Instead of heading toward the stairs, Frieda decided to go down with me. As the door closed she confided, in her German accent, "You know, I don't like going into confined spaces alone. I spent four years in hiding as a teenager, and I still get a little claustrophobic."
Four years in hiding in a small space. Sixty-five years later, and the scars are still there.
You never know why people do things that are a little weird. You just never know.
Frieda lives in our building. Some people think she's a kvetch, but my kids adore her, and stop to give her a hug whenever they see her. She always glows at their affection for her, and tells me I am a great mother. I'm not sure how old she is, but she emigrated from Germany after WWII. She speaks five languages. Her son is a doctor, a fact which makes her very proud. She remembers the birthdays (and names) of all five of my children, and calls up on the right day and always has a little gift waiting. She mails a card at Christmas, too, even though she's Jewish.
Frieda has some weird habits. Our apartment building is on a steep hill, so that by the time you walk to the back wing you're actually on the fourth floor instead of the first. Frieda lives on one of the lower floors. For years I watched her wheel her little collapsible grocery cart into the elevator, press the button for her floor, and then walk down the stairs to retrieve her purchases.
One day I happened to be going down instead of up in the elevator, just as Frieda was putting her cart in. Instead of heading toward the stairs, Frieda decided to go down with me. As the door closed she confided, in her German accent, "You know, I don't like going into confined spaces alone. I spent four years in hiding as a teenager, and I still get a little claustrophobic."
Four years in hiding in a small space. Sixty-five years later, and the scars are still there.
You never know why people do things that are a little weird. You just never know.
Purim
Yesterday afternoon a bag full of goodies -- mishloach manot -- arrived at our door. My kids particularly liked the hamentaschen, triangle-shaped cookies filled with poppyseed paste or jam. According to the note in the bag, the tradition of baking and giving sweets on Purim came about, in part, as a way to rid the house of chametz (leavened goods) prior to Passover.
We live in a neighborhood with a large Jewish population, including a number of elderly emigrees from the Hitler era. Purim is a big, fun celebration that includes all ages, though the kids seem to have the best time. A friend tells me that during the feast you're supposed to drink until you can't tell the difference between the phrases "Cursed is Haman" and "Blessed is Mordecai". In 2009, Purim fell on Ash Wednesday. My friend wondered what kind of slaughter that caused in years past. She guessed her ancestors in caroused very quietly.
I am grateful that our goodie package was delivered on Sunday. Lent lasts 40 days, but every Sunday is a 'little Easter' and hence is a feast day, so it doesn't count for fasting and abstinence. That means that if treats arrive at the door on a Sunday, we can rationalize eating them.
But not all of us gave up sweets for Lent. Little Guy is giving up saying,"I hate you!" Another child is working on being kinder to siblings, and another is trying to get rid of a bad habit. The most memorable Lenten sacrifice I recall was years ago, when Big Guy was about five. He graciously gave up eating butter with his fingers. So far as I know, he hasn't reverted.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)